Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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