Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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