it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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