It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I think I sprained my soul last night
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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