Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
