yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
