HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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