just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She even gives head with a lisp.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
