HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
