it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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