end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
where are my eyebrows?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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