Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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