i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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