That's when you crack a 10am beer
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
