come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
