another moral hangover. fuck.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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