Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
is wine microwaveable?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
