3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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