Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My life is pants optional.
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