I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
