i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Moan for me like Helen Keller
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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