he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
