she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
