he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
