Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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