Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
