too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
