I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
