I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize