Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
