this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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