yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
