If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
