You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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