You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
