I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
