Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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