oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
