Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
