We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
