party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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