Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
