Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
