Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
