ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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