i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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