Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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