I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Be still, my beating vagina.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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