i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
