Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
