hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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